9 March 2012

Sweet Saturday Samples

If you blink these days the week's gone by before you know it!  And it's time for another Sweet Saturday Sample. :-)
This week I am again taken a snippet from my WIP No Job For a Woman.  I have gone back a ways to scene where deborah's life as she knows it is going to hades in a handcart, and she's none too pleased about it!!
This is the opening to chapter 13.
Thanks to everyone who comes by.  I enjoy your comments and they often give me pause for thought enough to make changes to a scene, so thank you.

‘I owe it to your brother.’ Why did Julian’s stark words add to her ever increasing sense of doom? If he’d known of her childhood feelings for him, at least he never made fun of her for it. And just because he stole her heart, it did not mean he saw her as anything more than Freddie’s pesky little sister, even now, especially now.

“I understand your reasons behind your arguments. They are powerful indeed, but you cannot ask it off me. It is disrespectful. I know many people do not recognize my place as the head of the estate, but my tenants accept me as dear Harold’s successor and they look to me for guidance. It is unquestionable that I would consider deserting them in their time of need. After all, indirectly I am responsible for their problems.”

Julian searched for a cloth and began drying the dishes she washed. “What do you mean ‘their problems’?”

“How can you ask when one of their children has been abducted?”

“Have you alerted the constable?”

Deborah slammed the plate down of the surface so hard it cracked. “I have. He said if we gave her time enough he was sure she’d come home on her own. It would turn out there’d been cross words between her and her parents, he said, and if she hadn’t come back by the end of the week to let him know.”

“I find his disinterest hard to understand.” Julian gathered up the broken plate and disposed of it in the waste bin near the kitchen door.

24 comments:

Patricia Kiyono said...

I love how you showed her frustration. So many times I've wanted to smash plates too! Deborah has her hands full - unrequited love, a missing child, and a constable who won't take her concerns seriously. Great sample!

Rachel Van Dyken said...

great excerpt!

Jenna said...

i have faith in Deborah. She's determined and that goes a long way towards attaining your goals. Nice depiction of her anger.

Sarah Ballance said...

Great excerpt! I don't blame her for her anger, and I certainly agree with his last statement. The disinterest IS hard to understand!

Jennifer Lowery (Kamptner) said...

Lots of emotion in this sample! Nicely done!

Jean said...

Why do I think Deborah's going to enlist Julian's aid and he will fall for her? Love this emotional piece and the breaking of the plate. I've wanted to do that hundreds of times. Well done, Sherry, as usual.

Sandra said...

His disinterest makes me highly suspicious! What is really going on?

Marsha Ward said...

I have to admit I got off to a poor start by interpreting the long first comment as coming from Julian's mouth. That did confuse me as I went along, so I reread the section, and realized Deborah had said that, not Julian.

Sorry I got turned around. Otherwise, it's a good scene of exposition through dialog.

Might I suggest adding something like "in half" or "to bits" after Deborah's rough action with the plate results in "it cracked"? I envisioned a plate with a crack running into the middle rather than a plate broken into pieces.

As always, take what you want and ignore the rest. :-)

Carrie-Anne said...

I don't blame her for being frustrated. Hopefully Julian will help her out in spite of his current attitude.

Bri Clark said...

My interest is pricked for sure.

diannehartsock said...

A lost child and the man doesn't care? Deborah has her work cut out for her. Yikes.

J. Gunnar Grey said...

YOUR REGENCY! OH NO HOW COULD I? Sherry, I'm so so sorry. (Go ahead, kick me. You know you wanna.) Marsha has a point about letting us know who's speaking in that first para of dialogue. Otherwise this is your usual smooth stuff and intriguing. I like Regencies with some danger and action to them, you know?

Sherry Gloag said...

:-) Patricia I'm glad you got it that it is the constable who is lacking in interest about the missing chhild :-) I'm glad you enjoyed this.

Sherry Gloag said...

Thanks rachel :-)

Sherry Gloag said...

:-) Thanks Jenna.

Sherry Gloag said...

:-) thanks Sarah.

Sherry Gloag said...

Jennifer, thanks for your company and comment. :-)

Sherry Gloag said...

:-) Thanks as ever for your support, Jean.

Sherry Gloag said...

Sandra you dolearn, much later, why the constable is reluctance to follow up on the missing child. Thanks for coming by.

Sherry Gloag said...

Marsha, thanks for you insightful comment, I'm taking it on board. Otherwise, I'm glad this worked for you. I appreciate your comments.

Sherry Gloag said...

Thanks for coming by Carrie-Ann, I appreciate your comment.

Sherry Gloag said...

Thanks for coming by, Bri, I appreciate your company.

Sherry Gloag said...

:-) dainne, Julian cares, it's the constable who's not too keen to shift off his butt. I'll look into clarifyiing that.

Sherry Gloag said...

JGG Thanks for your comments, yes, I will re-apraise this bit anddo some more tweaking. :-) Thanks for coming by.
Do I want to 'kick' you? No I guessed you were snowed under. Thanks for your input.